☆彡언제나 행복하게

Sweet breeze
July 18, 2009, 2:57 PM
Filed under: I have a ... beautiful life | Tags:

Flying by...

It’s been awhile since I last updated. I guess you can say, I’ve been real lazy to, haha. Summer school started about 2 weeks ago and it’s been alright. I thought I wouln’t last in school for about 4 hours, but suprisingly, I managed to. I got a D in geometry, so I’m retaking it. I didn’t really trylearning geometry in during the school year, so I was whatever with it and decided to retake it during summer school. I actually understand what is going on in class now, so yippee. I’m taking lifeskills too. Pretty interesting class, I must say. My lifeskills teacher has many life-learning stories to share to the class. But it gets pretty tiring. With school in my life, it has been easier for me to keep in touch with friends, but I noticed a few of them changed … for the worse in my perspective. Some of them are literally annoying, whiny, and stupid. Gosh, I don’t like people my age. They’re too bothersome to me.

I still haven’t started my AP Bio summer work … or any summer homework in general. Gosh, I really do not enjoy homework. I’m not good in school, I’m ridiculously stupid to be in there. Oh, and I’m lazy, haha. I feel that I have better things to do than homework. It’s just a big fat wall that kills my fun time. But I must do it for the best of my grade & life! FIGHTING!

My depression seems to slowly disappear. I don’t seem to think of that one boy as much anymore, but whenever I do, I still break down. It’s difficult to not cry when I think of him. I still love him and he will always been special in my heart. Forever, he’ll be my 오 빠. But for now, I just don’t try thinking about him or ever seem to talk about him. Even from that, I can tell it is a challenge for me to let go. HAH, easier said than done, my friend. I have so many memories with him, it’s just never forgetful. Precious memories like those will keep replaying in my head for a long time…

I seem to be having a life now. I have a summer to-do list with one of my close friends. Real fun, I must say. I have a feeling we’ll be able to finish by summer. Hopefully we will. Like, I go out with friends now, like iceskating, shopping, etc. Oh my gosh, iceskating. It was so terrifying to me! I kept on holding onto the rails of the ice rink for my life. I don’t know how to iceskate or rollerblade. But I’m still thinking, which activity is more painful? Haha, there’s so many reason for both. But either way, it’s still fun. But after iceskating, my arms, back and legs are furociously hurt! It aches whenever I raise my arms, haha! Summer seems to be fun now.

I’ve gotten into the interest of fanfictions lately, haha. Soompi ones, specifically. I’ve only read the ones with G-dragon from Big Bang. Those fanfictions are the best! I’m in love with them. It’s pretty lame of me, but I imagine myself in those corny lovey dovey situations with G-dragon. He’s currently my interest in the male category. Such a cutie he is!


Reaching to the top
July 5, 2009, 4:40 PM
Filed under: I have a ... beautiful life | Tags:

Brighter side

Things have been turning out better for me. I’ve been feeling happier, and returning back to my old self. I’m randomly dancing in my room alone more often now and singing to korean songs when I’m home alone. Also, my breathing problems are disappearing, so I’m happy for that too. During the time when I was depressed, I had trouble breathing whenever I sat down or rested. It made me not want to sleep because I’ll have trouble breatching, but now it’s better. I thought my depression impacted my health real badly, so I think part of me moving will result to better health. I’m eating, finally & my breathing is back to normal.

Summer hasn’t been as fun as I expected. Right now, I’m stuck at home while my parents are away with family and my brother is in Europe. Whee, boy, I’m having such a blast. But I have been downloading some Big Bang things, hehe. That’s getting rid of my boredom right now. I’m down to my last 10gb though! I just love Big Bang, I want every video they have, haha! Anway, summer school is starting tomorrow. I’m not exactly thrilled because I don’t like school, haha. Too much schoolwork is wasting my time. But I am excited to see friends and I’ll finally go out after 7523490820348 days! During summers, it’s difficult for me to keep in touch with friends, mainly because I’m lazy and I don’t exactly feel like talking to them over AIM or MSN. But the sad part is that, I’m losing connection with them and I end up isolating myself in my room, watching Big Bang performances, while all of my friends have lives. School is usually what makes me keep in touch with friends more often. I need a life … seriously.

I got to talk to my friend yesterday and she told me that she got to go to the Anime Expo in LA with her. I was real happy for her. She also told me that she stumbled upon a Big Bang photobook and calendar when she was there. That was when I secretly wanted to go to the Anime Expo to buy it, haha. The sad part was the price. It damaged my heart! $60 for the photobook! HOLYFIDDLESTICKS! But the price never bothered to stop me from wanting it. Today is the last day of the Anime Expo, but I have no ride and no money to get it; FML. It’s hard to ffind Big Bang collectors items. Music is real easy to get, just go to Koreatown or download online, haha. But I want to own everything Big Bang, like I said before. I just love them, especially G-dragon, the leader.

Thinking of schoolwork just makes me cringe, I don’t want any of it. I haven’t started on any summer homework, although I should. But I’m too lazy to do anything! Ahhh, someone help me.

Letting go
July 4, 2009, 6:30 PM
Filed under: I have a ... beautiful life | Tags:

moving forward

I’ve been feeling better lately. I’m less sappy and I’m beginning to eat again, haha. It was just a difficult time for me to endure. With friends and their encouraging words, I’ve done. I finally realized that I just need to move on and know that time will heal. Easier said than done. But I have to do what’s best for me. If I want to be happy again, I need to move on with life. Stupid, I know. Love is an unexpecting, painful feeling. I was just blinded by love to even notice that time won’t stop for you, even when you want it to. I’ve gone through the worst already, so I think I’m ready to face more challenges to come.

Long car rides seem to be also one of the factors that helped me. Haha, it’s silly, but just sitting & driving just clears my mind. I love road trips. When I was escorting my brother to the airport, I just whipped out my iPod and began listening to music & stare out the car window. It really hit me and made me feel happier. I loved it. For about 2 hours, I just stared out of my window, smiling. I saw what I was missing out on, I saw what that one little thing pulled me away from, I saw the beautiful sight of the world. During that car trip, I was listening to this one song by the group, 8eight. I thought it was such a beautiful song.

Forget About Love and Sing – 8eight

Yo! 사람도 사랑도 만나면
헤어지고 또 헤어지면 만나는 법
난 사랑을 잃고 부르네
그댈 그리는 이 노래 one Two

눈부시게 태양이 빛나네 사랑은 떠나고
난 이렇게 울고 있는데
내 눈가엔 눈물이 흘러도 바람은
여전히 기분 좋게 나를 지나네

사랑을 잃고 부르네
나의 이 노래가 너를 그리네
왜 너와 내가 항상 티격태격 했는 건지
바보같이 너를 떠나보냈는지

이제와 다시 돌아보는 후회 가득 기대봐
이 노래에 몸을 맡긴 나는
새롭게 다시 시작해
눌러쓴 모자를 벗어버리게 이 노래를 부르네

울다 지쳐 쓰러져 젖은 베개를 베고
자고 이런 나도 사는 게 사는 것 같지 않지만
웃고 또 사랑하고 노래하고 춤을 추고
이런 날이 언젠가 다시 오게 될꺼야

난 노래해 Everyday
Don’t Worry Be Happy

사랑이 날 울려버린 그 날
세상이 끝나고 내 인생도 끝난다 믿었어
하지만 난 슬픈 노래 하나
이 노랠 부르다 나도 몰래 미소를 짓네

정말로 사는 게 그렇더라
절대 잊지 못할 것 같던
그녀가 지워져 가더라
잊쳐칠 것 같아

아침마다 태양은 또 오르고 잊으려해도 배고파
찾아서 먹던 밥 한끼에 웃더라
친구들이 다 잊으라 하기 전에 전화로 먼저 쾌를 넘어 찾더라
사랑을 잃고 난 노래하네

울다 지쳐 쓰러져 젖은 베개를 베고 자고
이런 나도 사는 게 사는 것 같지 않지만
웃고 또 사랑하고 노래하고 춤을 추고
이런 날이 언젠가 다시 오게 될꺼야

지나간 사랑에 후회한들 무엇하리
모두 한 모금
미소로 멀리 멀리 멀리
사랑을 잃고 난 노래하네

울다 지쳐 쓰러져 젖은 베개를 베고 자고
이런 나도 사는 게 사는 것 같지 않지만
웃고 또 사랑하고 노래하고 춤을 추고
이런 날이 언젠가 다시 오게 될꺼야

난 노래해 Everyday Don’t Worry Be Happy
난 노래해 Everyday Don’t Worry Be Happy
사랑을 잃고 부르네 이 노래가 너를 그리네
사랑을 잃고 부르네 Don’t Worry Be Happy


Slowly, I’m healing from what occurred 2 years ago. But for now, I just have to make the best of what’s yet to come. I can’t let what something happen ruin me. I must be strong.

But you know what’s still my problem? Sleeping, haha. I just can’t seem to sleep when I need to. I just stay up late, staring at my window & listen to my iPod. I have terrible sleeping issues. But just looking outside my window seems to help me quite a lot with my problems. I love how the cool, warm breeze flows through my hair, it’s oh so refreshing. I’m beginning to come back to normal, but I think it will take awhile to get the whole me back again. Right now, I’ve been so subdued and more calm about things. It’s kind of strange, but the whole me will take some time to bring back, I have to say.