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What factors ha…
December 27, 2011, 12:52 AM
Filed under: Uncategorized

What factors have influenced your decision to apply to Barnard College? What intrigues you about Barnard’s approach to the liberal arts and sciences?

I guess I should start this since I’ve been avoiding this question the entire…break. GAHH I CAN’T WAIT TO FINISH THIS (guarantee that i will, trust.) After college & scholarship stuff, it’s back to my BIGBANG obsession, catching up on books, fanfics, soooooooo much until June 2012. Anywayzzzz

In two words, I can only describe Barnard College as a “women’s sanctuary.” If Athena, the goddess of wisdom handcrafts, and warfare were to gaze upon the institution, a glimmering smile would appear on her face. Being one of the leading female liberal arts school in the nation, Barnard College has the necessities for women empowerment along with the resources of an Ivy league school.

As odd at this may sound, I heard about Barnard College through its youtube.com channel. I was fond of the fact that Barnard stood out compared to other female liberal arts schools by being involved with the Youtube community. After watching videos, such as the “Women Changing Africa,” I was enlightened by the fact that women were not only showcasing their knowledge and contributing to the world, but also leading the world. Viewing more videos, where Barnard students were involved in the arts, leadership programs, and science, Barnard College became the top institution to further my education.

I want to be like one of the students from those videos; having the opportunity to not only sit down and present in seminars, I wanted to be involved in the science departments at Barnard,

Barnard College is settled in the perfect location for a balance of nature, history, and urban culture. I am aspiring to be a dermatologist and in the future, shall deem myself as a female representative in science. New York has such dynamic geology; humans roamaround cement roads and massive buildings. Meanwhile, located not too far, one can excavate through wetlands, grasslands, and the Hudson River to discover more of New York’s natural history. I want to attend Barnard College as a Biology major and what I think is most fortunate for this institution to possess is its accessibility to various sources of nature. Growing up in Los Angeles, majority of its natural history has depleted and now replaced by “fancy shmancy buildings”. I love the college’s interaction with the New York community. I am a people-focused individual and incorporating educational, biological, and human understanding into Barnard College courses truly marks a significant difference between universities in Los Angeles.

In an essence, I want to expand my knowledge from academics and learn more from other Barnard students and New York-ers. 9 WAYS OF KNOWING

York has an abundance of history that travels back to the colonial period.



In an essence, …
November 30, 2011, 2:41 PM
Filed under: Uncategorized

In an essence, today a soon to be adult me, I have overcome my insecurities. I no longer see myself as “Edward’s sister,” but purely Denise. Every individual has their own strengths and weaknesses, and it is how it is handled that truly defines oneself. As I matured into a young lady, I grew out of my brother’s shadow. My self worth is depends on my success and achievements, not just grades and academics. I do not need approval from relatives or teachers in order to be happy. Whose opinions matter the most is my own and ultimately, I create a journey to prosper.

 

After seeing Edward crying in shame, it made me realized Edward was not this perfect boy that everyone had hoped for. We both shared the same torment and insecurities. He did not feel he belonged in this world. His tears gave me the intuition to help him as his sister. I did not want Edward to feel worthless like I was because he deserved the best. 

 

Edward indirectly taught me compassion. It may sound cliché, but everyone has suffered and has a story to tell. Although they are the most depressing memories, encountering these situations are the most inspirational moments in my life. No one is brought into this world to be ignored; my ambition is to truly help people, and prove them wrong: people do care.

 



Draft
November 30, 2011, 12:37 PM
Filed under: Uncategorized

While Edward was growing up, he was enthralled by science and mathematics. Off the bat, it proved to my parents that he was a boy genius, or so it sound like it. Since entering grade school, my parents and his teachers praised him for his scholarly, witty mind. He studied addition, subtraction, multiplication, division at the tender age of seven, including literature and grammar. The more Edward focused on academics, the expectancy for him to succeed grew. If his grades did not meet the standards of my parents, consequences would be arranged.

My dad would reach for the nearest object that was capable of harming Edward, corner the young boy and attacked him until Edward realized what he had done wrong. I overlooked everything– the anguish, torment, and tears running down my brother’s cheeks. I held my teddy bear and hid behind my mom. I was young, powerless, and certainly did not understand the position my brother had experienced. I lacked awareness of what Edward had to live by. Grades, school, and parental approval. But somehow, felt the same pain.

I knew Edward was a smart boy and noticed my parents’ constant attention for him. Growing up, I saw patterns from relatives and my teachers. Both showed demeaning attitudes towards me and always put the spotlight on Edward whenever his name was mentioned. Everyone was enthralled of the existence of my brother that I became invisible to the naked eye. Discussions about Edward’s academic achievements were inevitable and as people continued to praise him, my presence slowly drifted. 

I lived behind the shadows of Edward and felt my self worth was solely based on his existence. I was referred as “Edward’s sister,” or “the not-so-smart child.” Whoever I met, Edward’s name was always mentioned. His name became a household standard, but to me, it was profanity. LIving under the roof with him, I never asked him to deprive my life from my parents’ nurture and attention from me. I was a mistake; I am not the sister that family, educators, and peers imagined. I was not a replica of Edward; I did not have outstanding grades, luscious hair, or witty. 

After seeing Edward crying in shame, it made me realized Edward was not this perfect boy that everyone had imagined. My brother shared the same torment and insecurities as me. He did not feel he belonged in this world. His tears gave me the intuition to help him as his sister. I did not want Edward to feel worthless like I was because he deserved the best. 



Sheesh
April 9, 2011, 2:35 AM
Filed under: Uncategorized

Sorry I’m a disappointment & I can’t meet your standards. -0-;

As of now, I have a Fail in both AP Physics and Math Analysic.  Fuck. Yeah, and I got one of those usual fights at 3:22AM about it with my mom. I guess I’ll just explain a brief description of the argument. It started off with talking about college and my personal statement. The latter moved toward my mom’s teaching and my grades. I just blankly said that I knew my weaknesses, accepted it, and just decided to fail. My mom then said that I didn’t try hard enough and it is not GOOD ENOUGH. I guess not, huh? I should go die, or maybe drop out of school and work at a supermarket (suggested by mom, fyi). But I know I have better things in life to do that I can’t waste it by working at a supermarket. Anyway, so yeah, mother got angry about how I don’t meet her standards. I started crying how I never get appreciated by nothing that I do. I’m passing 4/6 classes, including my Pierce one, making tons of legacies/participation to the school. I just can’t handle AP Physics or Math Analysis. No matter how hard I try, I can’t do it, but I’ll just accept that and focus on what I’m good at, and technically passing in. Sheesh…

As a member of an Vietnamese-immigrant family, education is highly valued. Failures and C’s are looked down upon. Community  college or any nearby school is frowned upon as well. These household values do not typically take emotions or feelings into consideration. Only harsh criticism and shame, as well as rudeness and loud voices. Sexist standards are the norm. Mother tends to children, provides food, and cleans. Father would only yell and selfishly complain on a daily basis. The first generation never care about mother’s or father’s needs; only wish to escape out of confinement. Children are often bashed upon, compared to, and treated terribly. Yeah, I don’t like Asian fob families, not one bit.

In my household… I only wish my mom and dad to lose their mouths. They’re fucking annoying. I’m constantly ridiculed, criticized, compared to, (INSERT OTHER MEAN TERMS THAT DEGRADES ME). My parents only see the bad things about me, and never praise/appreciate what I do. All I ask for is appreciation. As for the ridiculing in what I do, I know what I did wrong and I certainly do not need it to hear from my parents. That just makes me want to make it more riskier and damaged to piss them off. (purposely) I really don’t hear anything good about my from my household. Only just taughting names.

I guess it’s because I don’t deserve it. Hey, maybe I should go die!

I hardly see my friends at school during the break times. I’m always running around school either for a club, leadership, or anything related to my studies. The only time I get to see my friends are my classes and passing period when I head down to my locker. Yayyyy. I’m highly dedicated to my school and studies, I am really. But after my fails in 2 classes, I just accepted that I knew that math and science are not my best subjects. I’ve known that for years and no matter how many times I apply for a math and science class, I  typically fail. I just can’t understand advanced math and science. But you know what? At least I’m passing my other classes, involved in WHO KNOW HOW MANY ORGANIZATIONS, CLUBS, SCHOOL STUFF I’M IN. I used the majority of my high school life dedicating to those things.

But really broke me down during the argument was when my mom completely admitting to only providing her children financially. EXACTLY, FINANCIALLY. How about emotionally sustainable? I pretty much need that in my life. I push myself down all the time, but only to hear my parents say something encouraging. I get much encouragement and support from my friends and teachers, but I feel like hearing those supporting words from my parents are more valuable. There’s a reason why Edward doesn’t call my parents while he’s in college, doesn’t talk to them about any personal issue. It’s because my parent’s can’t provide that emotional support. Something that we really need at hard times like these. They only have expectations.



FUCK MY LIFE..
February 14, 2011, 10:42 PM
Filed under: I have a ... beautiful life

I GOT CRAP TO DO

OH, AND I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING KUTE TO DO ON VALENTINE’S DAY -0-;

 

just hearing my friends talk about it is irritating me because I don’t really have anything to do like that, and I kind of want to be included in the festivities. I don’t really care about having a boyfriend, just the joy of doing something kute.

 

anyway. happy single awareness day BYE



Best gift of all
December 25, 2010, 5:19 PM
Filed under: I have a ... beautiful life

A person’s hands seem to be one the most attractive parts of the human body. At least in my eyes they are. It’s just something about a person’s hands that say/do so much. It’s the gateway to so many other things.

Someone holds your hand. They hold you close. Keep you warm. They run their hand(s) through your hair. They may even tickle you to see you smile and laugh. They would trace your skin down your arm, waiting for you to wake up on the bright sunny morning you seem to find yourselves in. Then your hands would interlock. Maybe they would massage your back after a long day of doing absolutely nothing. They might just walk up behind you surprisingly and cover your eyes in that cute goofy way people seem to do in the movies.

Maybe that’s why I find hands so beautiful, or so appealing in a sense. The possibilities seem endless as to what you can do with your hands.

Now, I really should stop with my nonsense. Merry Christmas, guys!



UGHHH
November 19, 2010, 12:27 AM
Filed under: I have a ... beautiful life

MUST TO-DO LIST

  • Get good grades, by all means necessary
  • Study study study
  • Exercise again T-T
  • Sleep earlier; don’t procrastinate
  • Volunteer at Kaiser
  • Take Pierce classes